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September 8, 2010

The Intruder

I am not even sure where to begin.
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I woke up this morning a happy mother. Taking kids to school, doing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, doing laundry and had dinner in the crock pot before 11:30. WOW
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Needless to say, I was feeling rather Domestic Goddess-y
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I was catching up on my blogs, and helping Cooper with his homework, when our peace was not only destroyed, but obliterated in a matter of 2 seconds
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At first I thought a leaf was blowing through my kitchen as today is a rather windy day and I had the windows open.
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To my utter HORROR, it was NOT a leaf.
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IT WAS A FREAKING MOUSE
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It was as awful and disgusting as it sounds. I leaped from my kitchen table, said some very un-blog worthy words, grabbed Cooper by his shirt and screamed my way out the back door. I stood on my porch in horror deciding what to do first.
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I called Matt. No answer. I called again. No answer. For the love...what could he be doing that could possibly be more important than THIS. Call again. Nothing. (A few more more unmentionble words)
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I clearly knew I could NOT go back inside. No matter that this beast was only 2 inches long, I had been standing by my dishwasher making dinner no more than 20 minutes before. Oh goodness even typing that I have the chills.
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I ran to my back door neighbors house. No answer. Seriously, where the hell is everyone during my emergency. I kept on...

Next neighbors house. Home. Thank freaking goodness. Just being in her house I relaxed enough to take a moment break from the constant dry heaving. I asked for her advice. She offered her cat.
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Not that I am ungrateful, but no go on the cat. There has to be another way. I call Matt again, this time holding back soft sobs that are bound to escalate. He finally answers and when I spit the nasty words out of what I am dealing with, he makes jokes.
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WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
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I am so not finding the humor in any of this issue. I have a freaking mouse who has entered my home through my dishwasher. I have been in my kitchen all day while it lurks (dry heave again). The thought of dealing with trapping it, either dead or alive makes me want to curl into fetal position and die. All of that, SO NOT FUNNY.
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Round two of my problem....my car battery is dead. So now I am trapped in this mess. I borrow Karen's car, go to Walmart looking super sweet in my exercise clothes, wearing a ponytail AND headband ( a vision am I). I get to the aisle where they keep items for "PEST CONTROL" and just looking at the pictures on the boxes I have chills over my entire body and the heaves are returning. Seriously WHY OH WHY do we need things that 'CREEPETH' upon the earth. Not in my world, I tell you that right now.
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I pick a trap and head out of Walmart, ignoring the fact that even in a place like WALMART I am getting stared at cuz I look so amazing.
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I pick up my boys, return the car and we head home. We get to the back door and we all freeze. Here is where I am supposed to give a pep talk to my boys about how its all ok etc.
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Clearly, I throw open the door and just yell RUN RUN RUN UP THE STAIRS!!! HURRY BOYS!!!
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Against all odds, we make it. Cooper lays in his bed and asks questions like "Are we going to catch the mouse? What color is it? Are you going to put cheese in the trap?" I can't bear to answer any of them. I tell him his Dad will deal with it. He HAS to
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I lay Judd down. He thinks the mouse is kind of a neat part of our day. He just wants to know when access to the pantry will be granted again. Sadly, I tell him, I have no idea. Not for a while
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As for me, I am curled up in fetal position on my bed awaiting my husband to get home. I have another hour and a half until that happens. Matt is sure to find less humor in the situation once its all in his hands.
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As I sit here I realize that no matter how lonely you feel, no matter how rough a deal life has dealt you, Cinderella was STUPID CRAZY to pick mice as friends.
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That's all I have to say about that.

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5 comments:

michelle said...

Holy Cow! I hate mice! I fell the same way- I hate them in my house but I don't want to find their dead little bodies either. Hope Matt can get him for you!

Orange said...

Wow. I am sure glad for all of us that you were born in 1981 instead of anytime before that!

Christee and Austin said...

Are you going to survive today with the "intruder" still in your kitchen?! Do you need to come over for dinner? haha! We're having bread bowls with yummy soup! Ü

Tammy said...

hahaha...reading about it was even funnier than hearing about it! I'm sorry I wasn't home to scream with you. BTW, you did a great job at enrichment night! I'm envious of the ease you have at speaking infront of people. I'm so glad I went! ;-)

Nelson family said...

I feel your utter dismay. There is a mouse about the house! We are still catching mice--even with our kitten mousers. They saw one and just played with it. I think they are still too young to get they are supposed to kill the stupid thing.

Good luck catching them! Of all the traps there are, my favorite is the mouse trap. It is quick and efficient. Good luck!