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September 24, 2010

If You Give A Mouse Velveeta...

THE LIGHTING...
THE WEAPON...
THE HERO...
THE ENTREE...
THE YORK PEPPERMINT PATTY...
OR THE VELVEETA?
THE SET UP...
THE UPSET...
THE GERM FREAK :)
IT'S BAAACCKK!!!
I kid you not.
The stupid mouse came again. And PS...he is NOT interested in peanut butter.
I was calmly watching television last night when it had to AUDACITY to run into MY vaccum closet, then run out under my table and into my game closet.
- - - - -
Matt was at softball when he got MY CALL, naturally in hysteria. When he arrived home, I left for Walmart determined to buy 1800 snap traps if that is what it takes to KILL this damn thing
- - - - -
I came home to find tools spread throughout the house, extra lighting, Matt now in full shoes, not sandals, vaccum out and things pulled out of every closet.
- - - - -
He told me he found it, it ran, he kicked it, it ran again and hid in our vents.
- - - - -
UN-FREAKING-ACCEPTABLE MOUSE!!
- - - - -
Then he took apart the main return and it ran back into my vaccum closet. Nasty little beast. When he was rediscovered, he ran into the living room. Matt had me go get the neighbors cat.
- - - - -
Kurt and Kaitlyn arrive with a (worthless) cat. It pees all over my tile and all over Kurt because it doesn't like being removed from his home. The mouse ran past the cat twice and the cat didn't even blink.
Cat=Totally Worthless Stupid Idea.
- - - - -
We barricade the hallway, I try my hardest to be semi-heroic and stand three stairs above ground holding a broom and await divine intervention on what the hell I will do if/when I see it. This is SO not my thing. I am with the cat...I wanted to pee on the floor and go to another home myself.
- - - - -
Kaitlyn grabs a bowl and  Matt lifts the couch. It runs past them both and I am faced with the 3 inch scurrying beast myself. So I smack it, hard, with the broom and it runs away. DAMN
- - - - -
After we repeat this scene another FOUR times, I open the door. Not how I really want this to end but maybe if we just get it outside it will be smart enough to move on to...I dunno anywhere else but my house.
- - - - -
I smack it with the broom as hard as I can from 3 stairs up and it FINALLY just takes the exit.
- - - - -
This is better than having it inside, but not ideal either because the freaking thing CAME from outside at some point.  I spent the next hour Lysoling everything it might have possibly touched and then drempt all night of nasty scurrying beasts.
- - - - -
I WANT THIS THING TO DIE
- - - - -
Seriously a painful death for all the stress it has caused me. And so help me if it was female and left anything behind in my home....
- - - - -
I simply can't go there or even finish that sentence.

2 comments:

michelle said...

that is a sad, sad waste of a peppermint patty. I hope it works though! Makes for a great saga though!

Nelson family said...

You are too funny. I am with you. I just saw another mouse enter our home actually exit right under our cupboards again. Gosh darn it. Will it never end ? 17 mice-really?