Do you ever feel like being a mother has a few too many moments that make you cry?
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Today has been "one of those" days.
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I took my Juddie to choir today. We walked to the door, hand in hand, and he gave me a sweet kiss goodbye. Fourty five minutes later I picked him up. He skipped to the car overly excited because one of the fellow students brought a Halloween treat bag for each kid. He buckled his carseat and opened the bag. We looked inside and it was a bag of halloween microwave popcorn. He asked if he could have it when we got home. I told him that it was butter popcorn and it was a kind he couldn't have. He melted like a puddle. All his happiness was gone. He didn't scream, yell, pout, argue or throw a fit. In fact he was silent. I looked back a few seconds later to find tears streaming silently down his sweet chubby cheeks. His life can be so unfair.
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As a mother, I would give anything to take this trial away from my boy. I hate that there are so many childhood experiences that he can't do because of his allergies. As a Mom, I would give up everything I have if there was a way to fix this. It isn't going to kill him, and many other mothers have trials to face WAY worse than mine I know. But it is awful to watch your baby silently cry because "all the other kids can" and he just simply can't. It's just so unfair. I certainly hope it is something that will fade away with time and not a life long trial.
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Fast forward to a few hours later.
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We are all in the car taking Madysen and her friend to choir. They request that their current choir practice cd be put it. I put it in and all four of them start belting out Christmas songs. Madysen is such a born performer. She was sitting in the front next to me and just singing her little heart out! A song about the Savior being the real meaning for Christmas comes on and she is belting out every word, just like her own little testimony that she just KNOWS what she is singing is truth. I started bawling again. Thankfully I was wearing sunglasses so everyone didn't notice that I was borderline sobbing underneath them.
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And I think to myself, how did I get so lucky. (And why am I crying so much today?) How is it possible that as a mother you love these little people so very much that nothing else in the whole entire world even makes a difference as long as you have them. And as a happy twist, they love you just as much back.
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Then it all makes sense. Heavenly Father just knows what He is doing. He knows that there is a reason, bigger and unbeknowest to me that Judd has had to battle health issues his entire life. He knows that as a mother I am doing everything in my power to make sure my children know His gospel.So He sends me a simple message through a song to help me to keep pressing forward and know that, despite how it seems some days, I am doing what He would have me do.
I am making a difference.
Even if it is to no one else but these three little people I call my own :)
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In the end, I suppose this rollercoaster called parenting really is worth it.
Atleast until they're teenagers that is hehe :)
xoxox
Me
